It’s sort of like putting a podcast on 2x speed to just plow through it, or putting your pinky in your partner’s booty button so they’ll just blow their load and you can roll over and just get yourself some sleep already.
Is that the legacy she thinks her grandmother wants? As Heather says, she has displayed a lot of compassion toward Leah, but Leah still jumped down her throat like an overeager COVID test swab.
This party seems to answer the question “How many themes does it take to screw in a lightbulb?” with “all of them.” Now, we have been to many Real Housewives’ parties in the past where the guest list is only the women on the show, but this cast party really takes the 1970s Halloween Beauty Pageant Flapper Dress Bunko White Barbecue Children’s Birthday Party Business Launch Capri Room Unveiling Halle Berry From B.A.P.S.
For their talents, Luann twirls a baton like she’s trying to spear the cherry at the bottom of a Shirley Temple, Ramona does 40 pushups that are shallower than a creek during a drought, Leah twirls two hula hoops on her arms in an attempt to channel Grace Jones but Grace Jones just let out one sharp “HA!” that shattered all of the bones in Leah’s body, Heather changes the words to “Be aggressive, B-E aggressive,” which is also the name of her new line of bleed-in period undies, and Sonja Tremont Morgan of the Kapow Boxing Gloves Morgans performs as a mime but misunderstood the assignment and actually does charades instead.
At breakfast, Heather apologizes for her microaggression of saying that Eboni was “articulate” and Eboni forgives her and explains why it annoyed her because “it is assumed Black women can’t speak the Queen’s English,” to which Luann immediately says, “Kind of like Ramona,” which is a sick and accurate burn and I think that Ramona’s skin is still peeling off in layers because of it.
Ramona meets with former Million Dollar Listing: New York cast member Michael Lorber, who looks thinner, grayer, hotter, and generally richer than he did the first time he was on television.
Leah and Eboni take Sonja on a trip to box with Martin, everyone’s favorite personal trainer and shit-talker, and, sadly, he does not have the kind of coochie-crushing insight into Sonja’s life that he did into Tinsley’s last season.
How quaint that they all think they might know who won by the time Uber shuts down for the night.
At the party, Sonja points out that Ramona posted pictures of herself with Eboni and also another Black friend of hers on Instagram as a way for people to think that she has Black friends.
Is Sonja back on her water pills again? What is going on that when Sonja drinks just a little bit she turns into a parody of a drunken person? It’s bad enough that she’s wearing this pink, sparkly formal dress over Eboni’s house when clearly the dress code was Just Wear a Black T and Jeans But Strap a Giant Tulle Bustle to the Back of It.
She could see her pushing the down button on the elevator, she could hear it ding when it arrived, she could see Sonja flirt with the doorman on her way out and get into an idling taxi waiting outside.
Once Sonja was in the cab, yammering on to herself and calling people on the phone who only want to half-talk to her, Jill Zarin decided it was time to turn off the monitor.